


can't we just get it right somehow

by sinceraly



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break-up Make-up, Established Relationship, M/M, Modern AU, and by that I mean Zelos says some dumb shit and then immediately regrets it, other characters are mentioned but dont actually show up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-18 21:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18126509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinceraly/pseuds/sinceraly
Summary: [Modern AU.]Zelos and Lloyd get into an argument and it may prove to pull them apart if Zelos doesn't work to reverse the damage soon.





	can't we just get it right somehow

“That's all of it.”

Lloyd's voice sounds defeated, exhaustion obvious by the way his usually excited voice is low, tinged with morosity. He leans on the front door's frame in a sweaty tank-top and jeans, a box held in his arm, his empty hand in his pocket. The sunlight from outside outlines his body in a warm glow, covering his face in shade. He won't make eye contact.

“Ah.”

Zelos’ hair is down and he's properly dressed, eyeliner slicked onto his eyelids giving him a more confident appearance than he's known in ages. He sits stiffly on a bar stool, the same one he used to sit on when watching Lloyd attempt to cook from the open bar window in the maroon wall, the one he used to sit on when talking to him about their days, the one where -

Zelos stands. He also refuses to make eye contact.

“I'll ask Colette to grab anything of mine, in case I do miss something,” Lloyd says, pulling his hand out of his pocket and rubbing the back of his neck. His discomfort is obvious in his stance. Zelos knows it's not because he was moving boxes all morning. “I uh… I'll get going.”

“Yeah, you should… do that.” Zelos breathes, looking down at the beige carpet, where the stain from when Lloyd spilled cherry soda still lives, impossible to get out completely. He can still hear their laughter, Lloyd's panicked apologies, the way they kept getting distracted from cleaning by kissing each other on the floor, softly and gently, all of that love, just -

gone. Just gone, like that. Zelos’ heart constricts in his chest, misery threatening to bubble over and cut his distant words off. He's been in break-ups before, several in both the horrible and mutual varieties, but the worst part of this one is - it's -

he doesn't know if either of them want this. But it's happening anyways, because of his words, his unfiltered, panicked words.

* * *

 

“Zelos, I want to help you,” Lloyd's voice is overwhelmed with frustration, with a tinge of furiousness, and it causes Zelos to panic, to think for his pressure points and what to do from there. “What happened? Why won't you open up anymore?”

“It's not your business,” Zelos sneers, and he doesn’t mean it, but it escapes his mouth anyways, volatile in his emotional state. “I don't remember our relationship being a signed contract to letting you know everything I'm thinking."

“It's not! I'm just _worried_ about you!” Lloyd stresses, voice rising of its own accord, and the way he rakes his hands through his bangs is hasty, rough, betraying his anxiety. “Zelos, I love you. Don't shut me out. Don't shut,” and he gestures to the framed picture on top of the TV. It's from Zelos’ first performance on Broadway, everyone swallowing him into a group hug, Lloyd pecking him on the cheek. Sheena and Colette are grinning at them in the picture, Genis fake gagging, Presea smiling in that small, reserved way of hers. It's Zelos’ favorite picture. “Them out.”

“I'm not shutting anyone out,” Zelos lies, heart beat going rapid rapid rapid. “I just have a boyfriend who thinks he's at the liberty to decide when I'm not well.”

Something in Lloyd's eyes break, and the anger that previously leaked into his voice is lost, replaced with soft, tragic realization and a shaky tone. “Is that what your problem is? Is it - me?” he asks, and Zelos can see how he curls his hand into fists, agitated and upset.

 _No,_ Zelos wants to say, _no, it's never been you. Anything but you._

“Yes.” Zelos says instead, ignoring how the lie makes him dizzy, how it makes his vision swim because it's _wrong,_  the tears that begin to build up in Lloyd's eyes, the way that he hides his face, which Zelos knows is less out of a desire to not be seen crying but because he doesn't want Zelos to feel guilty about telling him, because Lloyd has and always will put others above himself to his own detriment. “I don't think I can do this anymore.”

Zelos’ mind feels like it's on fire, his logical thinking track is at war with his emotional one - _I'll hurt him_ versus _you already did, just apologize and tell the truth_ fighting with sticks and stones and everything that could break Zelos’ bones. Lloyd takes a shuddering breath, and Zelos’ conscience rings heavy in his head, noticing the way Lloyd hastily wipes at his eyes.

“I understand.” Lloyd says, and it's clear he doesn't, Zelos can see the way he bites the words out, attempting to accept a truth he can't see. Only a week ago, Lloyd had started planning a proposal, a ring hidden in a false drawer of his desk that he had installed for the specific purpose of keeping the ring secret until the proposal. But Zelos doesn't know that. He won't ever know that.

“I… I'm sorry,” Lloyd mutters, and the way his voice cracks does more than just break Zelos’ bandaged and stapled heart, it uproots Zelos’ internal conflict, forces him to see what he was too scared to see. The consequences of this conversation finally plays back to Zelos’ mind, and it hits him that there is no going back from this, that he just

he just spit on the best thing he had in his life.

 _No,_ Zelos’ mind repeats on a broken think track, _no no no_ , _this isn't what I wanted, it's never what I wanted, open your mouth and fight, call me an asshole, a moron, something I can -_

“I'll spend the night at Genis’,” Lloyd says, voice barely audible past the tornado of Zelos’ thoughts. “I'll come by on Thursday after work to pick up my stuff,” and Zelos can see the damage he's done, the way that Lloyd's shoulders turn inward, the way that he grabs his right shoulder with his alternate hand, placing pressure onto it as a way to conceal his own feelings. This is him trying to make Zelos feel better, Zelos knows, and it's tearing him apart.

* * *

 

“I… I'll see you around, Zelos. And uh - I won't blame you for deleting my phone number or anything, but… if you ever need me, call me. I won't let this,” and Lloyd gestures at the box, at the half empty apartment they shared, “get in the way of that.”

 _I don't deserve him,_ Zelos thinks, and it's true, it's so, so, so true. The fight echos in Zelos’ head, and he knows the bitter truth, that Lloyd didn't argue back because he believes Zelos, always believed Zelos, thinks that he's actually the person holding Zelos back.

Maybe this is for the best, Zelos tries to reason out with himself. Lloyd can find someone better, someone who isn't held down by childhood traumas and bad experiences, someone who will take the time to properly appreciate him. Someone who won’t break his heart because of unfounded fear.

“Oh,” Lloyd cuts in, eyes wide, and it strikes some sort of sick curiosity into Zelos’ thoughts, “I - uh. I forgot to grab something - I'll be right back. Stay here.”

Zelos doesn't, instead quietly following Lloyd through the apartment, and it's as Lloyd notices this that he gets jittery, sending looks back to Zelos every few moments. “I… I had bought it before this whole thing,” he prefaces, refusing to meet Zelos’ eyes, “and you don't - I'm not expecting you to want it, that's. It's fine. I'm just going to grab it and go. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable.”

What is he talking about?

He follows Lloyd to Lloyd’s old room, which became his general workspace after a year because they got together and started sharing Zelos’ bed instead. The now-empty desk, the one usually cluttered with little scraps of metal and paper, lies on the right hand wall, parallel to Lloyd’s old bed (with his favorite navy blue plaid sheets still on), and watches as Lloyd ducks to the bottom left side of the desk, dropping the box he had in his arms, and opens a secret compartment Zelos had no clue was there. He pulls out a small velvet box and shoves it into his pocket quickly, probably in an attempt to hide it from Zelos’ view, but Zelos is no fool.

 _He was planning to propose,_ Zelos realizes, and the tears rush to his eyes without warning, the sudden knowledge that he's saying goodbye to what would have been a life with Lloyd too much to take, too much to keep collected with.

“Zelos?” Lloyd asks, standing again, and the fact that he's concerned, even with all of this, that affection lies deep in his tired eyes, the fact that Zelos has done so much _to him_ but Lloyd continues to do so much _for him_ , it pulls Zelos’ stubborn self-loathing to the bone, forces him to rethink every choice he's made in the past week. He's losing this. He's losing Lloyd.

“I'm so sorry,” Zelos gasps out, a sob following. Being honest is not his thing - was _never_ his thing, but Zelos will swallow his pride, for once in his life, because he wants to take it all back, wants to prove for once that his feelings are genuine. “I didn't mean it, Lloyd, I promise you I never - you are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Lloyd Irving, and that - that's the truth. I lied, I never -”

He's pulled into Lloyd's arms, and then to the bed in the room, Lloyd shushing and cooing at him as he cries into his chest, finally reaching his breaking point. Lloyd rubs circles on Zelos’ back, and it only works to make him cry harder, because really, what did he do to deserve this.

The answer is nothing. He doesn't deserve Lloyd, never has, but Lloyd loves him and he _finally_ knows it.

“Tell me what you're thinking.” Lloyd says, but adds “only if you want to,” after a beat.

“I… I love you, Lloyd,” Zelos says through tears he’s shoving back, really quite embarrassed at his own breakdown, and Lloyd presses a kiss to the crown of his head, in response. “I love you, I never…” he pauses, trying to properly work out his thoughts into coherent sentences. “I didn't mean what I said. I'm just. I'm scared. Of the day when you realize you should never have gotten together with me."

“So you were trying to push me away first,” Lloyd summarizes, and his face is hidden from Zelos’ view, but Zelos feels a drop of water hit his hair and knows Lloyd's barely keeping it together either. “Before you thought I would leave you.”

Zelos nods into Lloyd's chest. “Well,” Lloyd breathes out a tiny laugh, one that's filled with a bit of exasperation. “I guess I don't have to hide the fact that I was going to do just the opposite. I love you, Zelos Wilder. If you had given me one more month, you would've had a ring on your finger to prove you wrong.”

Zelos giggles and it's an ugly thing, emotions running too rampant to keep up appearances. It's been ages since he's been this open with his feelings, since before a year ago when the poisonous thoughts of _Lloyd will leave you_ first took hold of his mind. He looks at Lloyd's face, smiling with understanding and eyes wet with tears, and kisses him.

“I'm sorry,” he says again when they break apart. “For all of this.”

“Don't be,” Lloyd says, but the fact that his undereyes are noticeably darker now that Zelos can properly see closely lets him know that Lloyd wasn't sleeping well.

“What did I do to you, sweetheart?” Zelos mumbles aloud, holding Lloyd's face in his hands. Lloyd leans into the touch, eyes fluttering shut.

“Sleeping in a bed without you is… it feels wrong, now,” Lloyd confesses, and Zelos feels his heart twitch with guilt. “I never want to do it again, if I don't have to.”

“You won't,” Zelos promises, and they both chuckle at how the tears fall again. Lloyd presses Zelos close to him again and pulls them both down on the bed, where exhaustion finally seems to hold them in its grasp.

“Oh,” Lloyd says, and he reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out the box, flipping it open with one hand. Zelos gasps as he sees the ring, a pretty ruby number surrounded by two smaller diamonds, placed into a white gold band. “I was going to actually propose, but… Zelos, I love you so much. And this whole thing showed me how terrified I was to lose you -”

“Yes,” Zelos blurts, and he covers his mouth in embarrassment as Lloyd laughs, “forget I just did that.”

“No, no, you're making this a lot easier.” Lloyd says, and he pulls the ring from the box (struggling a little, because Zelos is currently resting his head on his chest) and grabs Zelos’ left hand, slipping the ring onto his ring finger. Zelos holds up his hand, admiring it from afar.

“I can't believe what a moron I was,” he mumbles, bringing his hand down and shifting closer to Lloyd. “Don't ever let me be a moron like that again.”

Lloyd hums a chuckle, obviously quite content. “It's okay, you can make it up to me by helping me move back in.”

Zelos groans, which makes Lloyd actually laugh.

The room grows quiet, both too tired to talk much but too thrilled with how things turned out to actually sleep. “Zelos Irving, huh?” Zelos whispers, glancing at his half-awake boyfriend. Fiance, he reminds himself.

“You'd take Irving?” Lloyd asks, calm, but Zelos can feel the joy and surprise behind it.

“Of course. Wilder is a fun time, of course, but it's not like I have _good_ memories associated with it.”

“It's your stage name, though,” Lloyd points out, only for Zelos to shush him.

“My stage name is whatever I want it to be. And if you're okay with me taking Irving, then I'm taking Irving.”

“God, I love you,” Lloyd says, voice low, and presses a kiss to Zelos’ hair. “Thank you for giving this another shot.”

“It was never _this_ that was my problem to begin with,” Zelos points out, but his smile doesn't dim. “I love you too, dork. Go to sleep, I know you want to.”

Lloyd hums, grabbing Zelos’ hand and interlocking their fingers, and it's only a few more minutes until Lloyd's soft snores fill the silence of the room.

Zelos smiles, mind finally at peace, and falls asleep soon after.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this little ditty of a fic! I love reading comments, so please drop one if you feel so inclined!
> 
> Thank you to Aer, Rar, and Ruri for reading this through first and helping me out w it! 
> 
> If you're interested in reading some dumb shitposts and rambles about my current fixation (which happens to be Symphonia) follow me on twitter! @/thesealedvessel


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